I was fourteen years old, a freshman in High School when the album Slowly Going the Way of the Buffalo by MXPX was released. I was given it on cassette by a friend of mine at the time, just as I was heavily getting into different music. I remember playing this album constantly, always having it in my Walkman with my headphones in, wherever I went. I especially had it playing in my ears when I was in school, as well as during class. It was my escape. The album was different than their others before it, having a sense of despair, lyrics of loneliness, mistakes, regret, but somehow I still found comfort in it. The atmosphere was in sync with what I felt at the time to me, and in some ways they were saying all the things I wanted to say but could not. I still have a very vivid memory of a day I was in my cooking class. It was raining out, and overcast, and I was supposed to participate in a five person group project that involved cooking a certain amount of given recipes together. I never felt like I fit in with them, or anyone else in the class. I felt alone, and wanted to be alone. Instead of participating, I kept my headphones on, listening to this album with my head on my book bag looking out the window watching the rain. The teacher came over to me asking why I was once again not choosing to participate, and I told her I simply had no interest in doing it with them. She warned me of my slipping grade if I continued, but I preferred to be engulfed in the thing that comforted me, the music. That was nineteen years ago. It meant a lot to me back then possibly because of a comfort, it was shelter from the storm. Now, at thirty three years old with a five year old son, and finding happiness in things, I grew out of the person I was those years ago watching the rain outside the window, isolated and alone. I still play that album, and every time it brings very strong feelings back, and I recall what it felt like to be that boy. Although, it is looked at differently through my older self. It has a meaningful impact to me as an adult because it is a reminder of how far I’ve come from the person I was then, to the person I am today. It’s a reminder that it doesn’t rain all the time, and better days were ahead of me. I am happy, and proud of how far I have come. Now I find I look back on those songs as just a memory of my youth, and strangely enough, the album will still bring me comfort when I feel lost.
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My outward appearance most of the time reflects my identity as a fly fisherman. It is something very integrated into my life and my passion, and the clothing is usually fishing brands, from hats, shirts, or fishing gear representing that. As I am surrounded by fly fisherman over the years of doing it, I notice I pick up on this look and possibly want to feel a sense of belonging or pride in that particular culture, since I identify with it closely.
My behaviors and practices like the coffee I make in the morning is tied in closely to what I do at my job as a barista. The routines and steps to making my coffee are the same ones used every day in the workplace. I find I do this every morning, even on my days off, always making a bagel for breakfast when I am home, and having a specific order to my morning, as I do at work to ensure my day goes according to plan. My beliefs and values are heavily influenced by my personal interests. My opinions are formed around how the given subject affects me in one way or another, commitments and how they affect people around me as well as myself, and principles as a parent are influenced by how I was raised. I grew up in a polish household, and I find a lot of the meals eaten are of polish cuisine, especially during holidays. My mother cooked all of our family dinners every day, and I find that I also like to cook as it has a way of bringing everyone together. I find myself always finding comfort in the foods I grew up with eating, since it is most familiar to me. Growing up in New Jersey has influenced living a fast pace of life in a very densely populated area. Distance is measured in time not miles, and I feel everyone including myself is rushing from one place to the next. I think this creates at times a very impatient state of mind, always feeling like you need to obtain things quickly or in a rush, and that even meals are created to be eaten “on the go.” I have noticed in the past a few instances where my sense of humor was misunderstood and taken the wrong way. I grew up in a family where we watched a lot of comedy shows, some of which were pushing boundaries as to what was considered socially appropriate at that time. When I used the humor I grew up with and is an integral part of my personality, people have not taken the humor with the intended light heartedness as I did, leading me to have to apologize or explain myself to ensure it was said in jest. After reviewing the discussion forum on how my peers generate ideas, I have noticed I take an alternative route to the process. I read that the majority of them mention staying focused, or mapping thoughts out on paper, making lists, etc. For me, generating ideas falls into the creative side of my mind. The creative side of me does not generate ideas in any of those ways. I will start by reflecting on what it is of the subject that I am trying to expand on, and allow my mind to take me in a direction I either want to explore, or not. If not, it will be “cancelled” in my mind, and another route is taken. I feel I always take the approach of remembering you cannot fit a square peg in a round hole. If you are forcing something to happen, it will usually cause frustration and I will back off from the process. I find it best to let it rest until later, and then revisit the subject. An idea is like an ember, and when I notice one starts, I kindle it. Once it starts to build a momentum, I can take a set of options I have and see where that road leads. If I find it successful, I will continue to keep that idea moving and expanding. If I find it leads me to a dead end, I will start back at the small “ember” of an idea I have and begin the process all over again until I find it is I feel I am looking for in the subject.
My peers’ contributions to the forum about alternative ways of generating ideas have revealed processes that I could also consider using that I have not before. I found it interesting some people browse the internet for inspiration, or some come from books they have read. To a degree, I perhaps also get ideas from internet sources, and I am sure I am influenced by many books I have read in my life. I am open to try making lists and mapping it out on paper to see where the creative process takes me. |
AuthorI am 33 years old and residing in NJ, just starting college courses toward a degree in Fisheries Biology. ArchivesCategories |